(Yellowstone National Park, WY) – It’s never officially summer in Wyoming until the first tourist bison-goring in Yellowstone National Park, and park officials have now come up with a way to financially benefit from the nincompoops who don’t know that “petting the fluffy cows” is a bad idea.
In an unprecedented move, the Park has agreed to let various sports-gambling apps to now offer bets on the annual maulings, with a 50-50 profit split.
The Park says the funds will go toward things like thermal area boardwalk repairs and more on-scene medical staffers who specialize in maulings, as well as a souvenir station that will offer custom “My First Mauling” photographs and commemorative t-shirts.
The sports gambling app CEO’s have expressed excitement about the agreement, and shared that folks will be able to bet on things like predictions of the total number of bison-maulings for the season, a “pick the date” feature for guesses on the date of the first mauling, and even an advanced parlay on the injuries sustained, ranging from “rolled ankle,” to “comedic flip” to “officially knocked some sense into.”
Park officials added that even though they stand to make a ton of money from the new endeavor, as always, they “do not encourage tourists to put themselves in situations where a bison-mauling might occur, but, you know…” followed by a shrug and suggestive wink.
When asked for comment, the Park’s resident bison stated, “Happy April Fool’s Day; hope this gave you a laugh!”
(Also, if you are a Bar 10/County 10 Trivia Night goer and actually clicked the password link and read this post, your extra special bonus password is “comedic flip.”)